It's my monthly life complainage. You didn't think I'd miss it did you? Today I spent most of the day looking for an overpriced apartment in my future city of employment. I don't like apartments. At least not the ones built after 1940. I think I've narrowed it down to one less swindling offer, and I'll probably sign off on it tomorrow. Exciting? Not really. These last few days have been tough, because once again, things are coming to a halt/beginning that I neither am looking forward too and are very unsure and undiscovered. I think about my life two years ago, and I'd give my left teet to have that stability, hope and love in my life. Everything I ever dreamed and hoped for, I had. But I guess I was too young, unexperienced, immature, jaded(?) to realize it. I think about how I've gotten here and all of my regrets and selfish actions. And it pushes me way down. Way down.
All I really want is to give my love to someONE who will receive it and can give it BACK to me. Someone who wants to be around me and WIll be around me. And I don't have to feel frustrated in the dynamics of any of that. I have hopes and expectations from others that may not ever come to fruition, and what should i do if they don't? Keep waiting? Move on? Die?(j/k)
So many things, so MANY things, that I can't even say and am tired of saying and thinking, oh my four readers...
I hate these blogs.